Even though I live in the suburbs, I pledge that I will never:

Own anything by Thomas Kinkade.

Join a book club that *only* reads Oprah picks.

Invite others to read my Food Diary to “keep me accountable.”

Attend a “Gangsta” themed party in a subdivision clubhouse where the middle-aged white people on the guest list are all supposed to dress like “pimps and hos.”

Get into a bidding war for a child’s painting at a church or school art auction fundraiser.

Discuss peanut allergies or lactose intolerance at dinner parties.

Sign up to be an Arbonne consultant “just for the discount.”

Drive a vehicle with “captain’s chairs” unless it travels on the water.

Carry a designer coupon organizer.

Wear cargo capri pants.

Who’s with me??